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Appearance
On splitting up with a boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever how do you react? Whether you dump him or he dumps you is somewhat irrelevant here, because break ups are never good.
Do you go out and spend money you don’t have on retail therapy? Spend every moment of waking life with your pals? Spend every waking moment crying over them? Do you get shit-faced? Shag an ex? Shag a stranger? Shag yourself? Or my personal favorite, the good old fashioned “let’s show this bastard/bawbag/bint/boot (delete as appropriate) what he/she/it is missing (delete as appropriate).”
What I am getting at here is how we respond to this situation, and what I am most interested in is how us girls react due to the way we are brought up in a society where looks are everything.
My reaction was to have a random sexy photo shoot done with my best friend who is female (bys the way) just to show the fucker what he was missing. Yes. Yes I did.
I then began to wonder would I have reacted differently had I not believed how important appearance was growing up.
Everywhere I looked as a young teenager, there was sexy models with massive chests; teen magazines telling me all about flirting with boys and how to start applying “natural” make-up. (But to be very honest with you all, I don’t think make-up is a great thing for young girls to wear, mainly because at a young age we are being taught that we can only be pretty with several trowel worths of goo on our faces)
I thought that I had to look like that to even be a worthy human being. That my existence was pointless unless I had a boyfriend and looked super “hot”. .
Perhaps also if I had I not been bought many a Playboy item and somehow indoctrinated into believing that wearing it would somehow make me a sexy beast maybe I wouldn’t have the thought that my worth lay in my looks alone.
But it just gets worse as we get older.
Many women may never be happy with their bodies and resort to drastic methods to obtain a body that is perceived “beautiful”by the male driven media. Plastic surgery.
We have all known about boob jobs, lip fish pouts for a while, but there is a new craze that actually make my clitoris and labia want to be permanently protected by my legs. This craze my friends “vaginal rejuvenation”. I’m guessing you have heard about this but, seriously though…cutting…your vagina…scalpel…blood….ahhh!…how horrific!
Jessica Valenti author of Full Frontal Feminism (A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters) explains it better;
“V
aginal rejuvenation surgery can mean a labia trim, liposuction on your outer lips, vaginal tightening, or even hymen replacement. How many times did you just say ouch in your head?”
A lot that’s for sure.
So you see there is a lot that can be done to make yourself “attractive” and that will surely hook the attention of potential old and new love interests?
With all this in mind I had a wee idea on top of the plan to show the ex what he was now missing I decided to use the photos of a scantily clad me as part of a small social experiment. (Why I use myself as a human test dummy so often I’ll never know). However I did want to find out what kind of reaction I would get not only from the ex but also from the other folks in my online world.
The ex’s reaction was pleasing yes, the reaction from others was slightly, and I mean slightly surprising but not very much so, because I confirmed what I thought all along. Which was if I make myself “sexy” I will get the attention I want.
I got comments from friends that were shocked that I’d do such a thing. Which I expected. I also got a text message from an acquaintance who decided that now I was definitely fuckable and wanted to now make sexy time with me; and a little more activity online from men that I usually never converse with.
Now I expected this. But in a way I wanted to prove my theory that sexualized behavior attracts attention. The wrong attention.
So some men do react to such things, this we know, but not surprisingly not one was interested in me in any other way. This is the lesson here, and one that should be shared with younger folk. The ones that are being targeted to become so obsessed with their appearance that they are not actually developing self respect and ultimately becoming sexual objects not humans.
The frightening thing is young girls are being programmed to think that this is the only way to attract men. Ok, it will get you some pulls, and in my experience most likely you will find yourself in the pumped and dumped situation. Which is fucking horrible and totally knocks yourself esteem. Especially when your mending emotionally after a break up.
This will continue to happen but how do we stop it? How do we make sure women don’t feel the need to objectify themselves? How can we teach younger women not love themselves in the first instance, how can we change the attitudes we have personally, how can we show all women that beauty is actually on the inside? No Gok Wan, not you mate.
One thing that I think might is us women being more straight with one and other. I wasn’t surprised that someone didn’t say to me, “Come on love, you’re worth much more than that” or something similar.
So maybe if we do start valuing and supporting each others personal strengths then maybe we can begin to see how special we are beneath the skin.
Don’t get me wrong I have to qualms about female nudity, and I am pretty happy about whipping my kegs off and jumping in the sea and what not, but only when it happens for the right reasons, because lets face it the female form it beautiful.
Overall the point is that maybe had I not grown up thinking image was everything my initial reaction may have been something different instead. Perhaps I’m going to do that trip I planned and show him what a great time I have without him…or I’m going to get that job, finish that course. Or whatever else more productive, interesting and over all more positive to my personal development.
But no I’m going to show off my body because clearly that is all that defines me…something needs to change.
Just a thought.
You are essentially denying genetics our original judgement of a person is to do with how they look, the reason we are obssessed with it is it is key to reproduction. To say I dress up nice because a magazine told me to is a get out clause you don’t face up to your own reality of being a woman who is genetically structed to show off certain things to arouse a partner. For example the reason many men like curvaoues women is that it shows that they are healthy and well fed and will be good mothers so looks are not everything but they are important for both men and women.
Valid point but no I am not denying how the human race is programmed to procreate.
In the animal kingdom it is very apparent, you just have to watch Life so see how animals attract each other with vivid displays of their feathers and what not.
My point in this article is that some women (not all) are indoctrined in to solely focusing on their looks. That if your breasts are too small or your too tall etc then you are unattractive and it makes you feel worthless at times. It’s about viewing yourself as only an object and your worth through your appearance. The influence in the media, magazines, adverts etc is very strong and it does damage the self esteem of young girls.
Personaly, in a partner I look for intellect, humour etc and other quailities. Not if they are just asthetically pleasing.
Is it any coincidence that most feminists look like men?
Umm…
1) It is a total myth that feminists “look like” any kind of stereotype… go to any feminist meeting or event and you will see women with long hair, short hair, make up and high heels, or doc martens and hairy armpits… and a lot of feminists look like men because they ARE men!
The patriarchal media and society gain a lot by portraying feminists as ugly/mannish/lesbians – because in a society where, as Kirsty describes above, women are judged entirely on their attractiveness and sexual worth, it takes a lot of courage to associate yourself with something that will make people call you ugly and not sexy.
2) What does a man look like, anyway?
3) So what if some women want to look like “men”? That’s the point of feminism and other equality struggles – we should all be free to decide how we look and what we wear.
Worst witch I would like to address number 2, Most men are probably the image that is constantly filtered through by our matriachal society that judges a man solely on his physical attributes andI believe that as a man I shall not be shackled by pictures that I obviously can’t replicate. Or I can realise that these men are seen as better because they highlight the attributes that women are genetically engineered to find attractive.
Three also I believe is wrong equality is meaning you are on the smae level it does not mean assimilation. My believe is that Feminists wwant to have the smae respect as men but to be the smae as man is the problem with modern feminism. To many woman in workplaces are sacrificing their feminity to appear to be one of the lads. The wrong belief that women can drink just as much as men is a serious problem a women physically shouldn’t be drinking equal to a man especially if the man himself is drinking over the limit.
The point of Femenism is for women to be equal not to be the smae as men.
We do not live in a matriarchal society. We live in a patriarchal society.
You’re correct when you misspell “The point of Femenism is for women to be equal not to be the smae as men” – the point is to be equal and free to make the choices you wish to make, free from the restrictions of what a male dominated society wants to define ‘gender’, ‘man’ and ‘woman’ as. I’ll be what I want to be thanks, not what you tell me a woman undeniably is.
A tiger is a tiger a frog is a frog there are undeniable natures which men from women. The matriachal bit was a joke. In the end we live in a society of inequality which is why so many groups complain about their abuse being recognised too many victims and not enough rebels.
Feminism should not be about looking to the past and saying that every man is evil it should be about saying who men and women can get along also the issues have been blown too far away from original equality. Working class women have always worked it is a myth to say otherwise, my belief is that they should obviously have equal pay for doing the same job. The original feminism movement was upper class who cared little about female unity many saying that only upper class women should be able to vote.
The new feminism is about sexuality and too many times goes for gay issues hence furthering the beliewf that most are lesbians who hate men.
Sorry, it doesn’t really interest me what a man who doesn’t understand women or feminism’s opinion of feminism is.
So Sarah you admit that you don’t care for a mans opinion and believe the feminist group a point for only women. You are a typical feminist you drag things into the past spouting how men abuse you but in the most part equal pay is now given in Britain and women are encouraged to take a job or go into further education just as much as men. The real issue is that the big issues have been dealt with and only need firm regulation to insure standards don’t slip. Feminism is dead and unnecessary in the modern world it only furthers the divide between man and woman.
No, I know and love many feminist men. There’s a very important place for men in the feminist movement. Just not men who aren’t feminists. Oh and btw all your examples are wrong lol. You are an idiot.
Pablo, you have posted a whole lot of shite in this thread.
Your original point was total pseudo-science and can’t be supported by anything other than your “but it’s nature!” assertions. Are woman genetically programmed to want vaginal plastic surgery? No, it’s a result of patriarchy, the oppression of women, and the psychological harm caused to society by the porn industry.
It gets tiresome having to do this every time an ignorant man like you comes here to talk nonsense, but let’s do it again shall we:
Equal pay – Check out this extensive report by the Equality and Human Rights Commission that gives ACTUAL REAL EVIDENCE, not vague assertions, that women are still paid on average 16% less than men http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/key-projects/triennial-review/full-report-and-evidence-downloads/
On current trends, equal pay for women won’t exist until 2067, not now as you bizarrely claim. http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/aug/19/equal-pay-women-2057
Violence against women – in Scotland a domestic violence incident is reported every 10 minutes. The conviction rate for rape hovers around 3%. A third of all women on Earth face physical or sexual abuse in their intimate relationships during their lifetime. Women aged 15-44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than from cancer, motor accidents, war and malaria. Several global surveys suggest that half of all women who die from homicide are killed by their current or former husbands or partners.
http://www.whiteribbonscotland.org.uk/?q=node/22
These are some real hard facts. What have you got? Some waffling pish about what feminism is or isn’t.
I also wonder what you’re on about by saying it too often focuses on gay issues. Should we do anything about homophobia? What would be the “right amount” to focus on gay issues according to you? Why does it matter whether feminists are lesbians? Does that mean that they’re not people, or their opinions don’t matter?
It’s not that we don’t care about men’s opinion; we don’t care about YOUR opinion because you’re ignorant on this topic. Have a look at the statistics above and learn a bit f humility; accept that maybe you don’t know what you’re talking about and maybe women who have experienced these things do. When you haven’t experienced sexism or misogyny then I’m afraid you have to earn the right to talk about it, and you earn it by educating yourself, and listening to women. Until then stfu.
Jack – proud to consider myself a feminist man.
Totally agree with Jack and Sarah. Pablo you are an idiot. Clearly you are just spouting some second hand ideas that you heard from some relative.
Perhaps open your eyes and stop talking shite.
Now I’m away to watch Life on BBC iPlayer.
Jack your believe that women are drones and appear to do anything that men want is deeply saddening. What you are essentially saying to me and most feminist stuff is that women are too stupid too think so end up going to prostituion or glamour modelling cause they can not disagree with a system put in by Old upper class white men that are probably drinking gin as we speak and chortling. I think it is pathetic that you continue saying that you are a feminist and believe women to be strong but at the same time admitting than men are so smart that they’ve got wqomen carryting out their whims.
My point on equal pay is that it is recognised and should continue to be pushed for I have no problem with women working or getting the same pay.
Your pointon domestic violence is completly stupid men are attacked and if you say that it doesn’t matter because women get abused more then I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself goes abuse is abuse. Domestic abuse is a problem but once again I havwe never seen any adverts encouraging and though it should be highlighted it is not a reason for you to call me an idiot.
Also your point about violence and other crime is a good point I will not deny the problem nor have I stated in any of my comments that I agree with any these things nor should crime be brought down into femal race and other categories. To state these figures and not state the figures for men is merely saying you don’t care.
My poin t to wrap up in general I have no problem with feminism but I see many of its role defunct but that it can still aware people of problems but at the same time no male oriented groups have come to be which focuses on mens issue. For example the cancer rate in men is higher than in women plus men are more likely to die earlier these health issues are not talked about and don’t gain the same recognition as female groups. Thats not to say I disagree with the women groups I merely wish that mens issues had the same level of awareness.
Times like this we really need Privilege Denying Dude back. I miss it so much. I’d just post one right now.
This guy volunteered himself for it: but it’s not returned
http://edman.tumblr.com/post/1665038012/am-i-privilege-denying-dude
This is a good blog about it
http://tigerbeatdown.com/2010/11/15/the-day-privilege-denying-dude-crowdsourced-our-rage/
And it points out that sexist privilege denying fucks have invented a ‘feminist cunt’ meme, which will never be taken down despite featuring an unknown feminist woman’s picture undoubtedly taken without the permission of that woman.
Pablo, in what way is cancer rate for men influenced by the prejudices in society? Nothing. When we are fighting poor health, we do it by campaigning for a change in society that places more value on public services and on public health. When we are fighting for equal rights and to end prejudice, we are fighting to end sexism, racism, homophobia, classism etc. Male cancer rates has nothing to do with anything.
So as I have suspected you are not doing anything about bigotry. Classim thats a good joke at each turn your attacking me for being priveleged thusly accusing mew and putting me in a class. To attack classism we must destroy it.
Equal rights does not relate to crime figures either I don’t see you getting behind the dropping a knife campaign no you pick your beleifs from a sexist women orientated view.
Also at the start of the view you are laughing at random people who probably never intended to be modelled as a privelege denier but then you attack the people that do the smae thing to a women. You are seriously screwed up.
You know Pablo, it really gets tiring to hear the same arguments year in year out from sexists like yourself. Boring boring boring to have to make the same arguments again, but here we go. . .
No abuse is right, absolutely correct. But if you want me to quote the statistics for men then I will. In 2008/9 84% of the domestic abuse recorded was committed by a man against a woman. I in no way condone abuse against men. But that doesn’t change the fact that vast majority of abuse is perpetrated against women. It also doesn’t change the fact that abuse against men is a rarity because of a patriarchal culture where there are unequal power relationships between men and women, and women have historically been viewed as the property of their husbands/partners to be treated as they see fit. This has been reflected in the legal system’s treatment of the issue.
These are the facts of the matter. To say I don’t care about the (limited, rare) abuse of men just because I see the problem in its true light is a statement you can’t actually justify.
I honestly can’t make head nor tail of what you’re trying to say here. I believe that prostitution and pornography sustain themselves through the systematic abuse of women, usually going back to their childhood, combined with severe economic exploitation. I think that’s a bit more clear than your hard to follow ramblings.
So do you now accept that we are decades away from achieving equal pay for women on current trends. Because to quote you earlier in the thread, your original view was that:
Hopefully you realise in the light of the evidence I posted that you were wrong there.
It’s so incredibly boring to hear people yet again moaning about “men’s groups”. If there was a need for men’s groups then men would have made them! The reason they don’t exist is because men aren’t oppressed AS MEN in our society. Men (and women) are oppressed on the basis of being working class, which is why a labour and socialist movement exists. Men (and women) are oppressed on the basis of their ethnic or national origins, which is why anti racist and national liberation movements exist. But there is nowhere on Earth where men are oppressed BECAUSE THEY ARE MEN. Trying to claim otherwise is not demonstrable with any kind of evidence, and is total fantasy.
Really? Doesn’t seem to really chime with the following statements:
(Btw, I’m still waiting to hear what you think an appropriate amount to “go for gay issues” would be? What is below the threshold to avoid the thought that, dun dun dun omg, some feminist women might be lesbians?)