Fucken AWESOME banners mate, Fucken AWESOME.

Awritey mah wee chummos! Yur auld pal Lydia here, joost back fae Edinburger again. This time though, ah wisnae houndin’ the auld SDL, bit ah wis greetin’ mah chum best David Wankeron. Welcomin’ ‘um tae bonnie wee Scotland, cause like, presumably like, he’s nevur been here ur anyhin. Tae be fair ‘es prolly seen pichurs aye the highlands n aw that it ‘es posh Uni. Bit ‘es nevur seen us common folks before, so it wis prolly a bit ay a shocker fur ‘um like. Shame, eh? NAW.

Anywey. So whit actually happened like, wis we goat telt last night thit big DivCam the Sham would be in Scotland fur a wham-bam wi big Lecko Salmond. So we quickly organised and goat folk up tae Edinburger the next mornin’.

When we goat there, thur wis only a sparse group ‘ay people ootside the Scottish Parliament, an a hink they wur joost there tae gee Cam the auld eyeballin’. So we gets wur gear oot, wur obviously fucken amazin’ banners an aw that. An we situates wirsels it the side door ay the parliament, waiting fur good auld shiny face tae make an appearance.

Bit ‘eh disnae. Bit we staun there anywey, we shout ‘n’ chant. Joost the usual banter aboot tellin’ the Tory mob tae fuck off an that. Thur wis a real energy, ye know? People aw there fur the same cause n aw that. Aw these enthusiastic peopo who aw want tae batter David Cameron’s fucken heid in. Ahh it wis brilliant. But anywey, it wis really good an aw that, bit we started tae get a wee bit suspecious ken, cause like, DivCam wisnea makin’ an appearance, so we mosied oan doon tae the front entrance tae make sure the slimey bastard didny gee us the slip like.

Roon ‘it the front, it wis strange, like cause there wis a wee walkway set up fur his majesty an that, bit like eh polis would let a pansy Eton scum boey walk through a crowd ‘ay ragin’ Scottish peope who didny vote fur the cunt! It was aw so suspicious, ken, We wur shoutin’ loud enough fur fuckin’ Westminster tae hear us, so ahm no surprised thit they decided no tae ship the gold in through the front. So eventually, we gets aw the info. It aw comes oot.

Roon 'eh side ay the Parliament buildens.

Turns oot thit the sly basturts huv shipped ‘um in through the fucken bat cave doonstairs! An undergroon car park, ken! (Good tae know wur taxes are bein spent fucken wisely like!) An then they smuggled ‘um back oot! An let me tell ye, we wur pissed off thit we didny get tae scream in ‘es mush, but we wur well chuffed thit ‘e wis too much ay a fucken cowardly scumbag basturd thit ‘e couldny even face the fucken peopo ‘e wis tryin’ tae extend a fucken olive branch tae, like. Aye fucken right. Wur no gonnae sit an let that cunt make oot like wur fucken best pals wi the wanker. Ahm no ‘ed fucken pal. Ah HATE ‘um! AH HATE CAMERON!

Anywey, so we kinna joost started tae go hame, an we goat a wee bit doon ‘eh road n’ somecunt phones us an gees us the lowdoon thit the Toff Wank is in St Andrew’s hoose. So we dis a u-turn n sannies it up tae St Andrew’s hoose. (Another fucken grande waste ay tax money) an whin we get there, this big disaster kinna happened. See, we goat split up. Some ay us goat there furst an whin mah group goat there, aw we coul see wis the others aw fucken fenced in in this tiny kettoh. Ah wis lit “Aw naw man, geis peace,”

So the polis comes slimin’ up tae us an wis aw lit “Ye need tae go ower there, mate.”

An we wur lit. “Naw.”

An they wur lit “Bit we’ll gee yeese the heids up if ‘eh comes!”

An we wur lit “Dae we look lit fannies tae you? Naw, mate. Take yur leave,”

So the banter goes oan fur a wee bit, but they don’t manage tae gets us penned up lit wur pals. So we joost wait aboot fur um, annoyin’ the polis in a kinna casual wey like. These two mad poshos wur pure staunin’ lookin’ it us lit we wur aliens. Well, obviously we wur tae thame cause we didny huve suits, briefcases n a look oan our faces lit a duig hud shat in wur shoes.

Fucken ragin' an that.

So the big momento arrives. It wis glorious mah chummos. He comes oot wey a pure smug look on his gleamin’ mush. An we wur joost pure lit “SCUM SCUMS SCUM! YA BASS!” An ‘es wee ginger LibDem gimp nearly started greetin’ and pure dived in the motor. DivCam’s smiled kinna dripped aff lit cauld tamatae soup. We hailed ‘um oot wi wur chants an somecunt threw an egg which burst aw oor (no ‘es puss unfortunately) the motor windae as it sped the fuck ootae poor-land.

Joost goes tae show ye thit DivCam couldny gee two fucks aboot us an nevur fucken will. Cause fur a start ‘es too fucken scared tae own up tae the fucken crimes the Tories committed tae us in the past. ‘E cannae face us an ‘e fucken proved it the day wi ‘es smugglin’ in an oot ay places wi fucking high-vis wanker protection.

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