300: THIS IS SCOTLAND!

In honour of our 300th blog post, Leftfield brings you the EPIC SAGA of Scotland’s long-standing resistance to the Tory hordes of England:

When SSY members were born, like all Scots they were inspected. If they showed any sympathy for the Tories, they would have been discarded. By the time they could stand, they were baptised in the fire of combat. Taught never to retreat, never to surrender, taught that resistance to the Tories was a service to Scotland and the greatest glory they could achieve in their lives. At age 7, as is customary in Scotland, children are taken from their families and plunged into primary 3.

Manufactured by 300 years of the Act of Union, to create the finest socialists the world has ever known. Taught to show no pain, no mercy, constantly tested, tossed into the wilds of Dumfriesshire, Clydesdale and Tweedale, left to pit their wits and will against posh farmers’ fury. It was their initiation, their time in the wild, for they would return to their people as a socialist, or not at all. The Tory begins to circle the revolutionaries, claws of steel, heart as black as night, eyes glowing red – jewels from the pit of hell itself. The rabid Tory is sniffing, savouring the scent of the cuts to come. It’s not fear that grips them, but only a heightened sense of things. Cold air in their lungs, windswept banner moving against the coming riot cops. Their hands are steady, their form perfect. The Tories are defeated!

Tory voter shows the hidden goat path into Scotland

And so the young socialists, given up for dead, returned to their people, to sacred Scotland, victorious. It’s been 13 years since the Tories, the cold, and now, as then, a beast approaches, patient and confident, savouring the meal to come. This beast is made of Tories and Lib Dems, Lords and Ministers, an army of civil servants vast beyond imagining, ready to devour tiny Scotland. Ready to snuff out the world’s one hope for reason and justice. A beast approaches.

Although Scotland stands united against the Tories, one solitary constituency (perhaps disgruntled about their horrific disfigurements as a result of inbreeding amongst their posh, landed families) decided to betray their people by showing the Tories their hidden goat path into Scotland. Now it falls on the shoulders of a new generation of socialist warriors to defeat the assembled hoardes of the ConDem occupation. We do not wish tributes or songs (unless they come in the form of blog posts or funny videos), our wish is simple: an independent socialist Scotland!

(Credit to Liam T for his tireless work creating our amazing video and pictures, and to Jack and TheWorstWitch for additional writing. Seriously Turbo you are amazing.)