Afghanistan Diagram of TOTAL CHAOS.

“When we understand that diagram, we’ll have won the war” – US Generals. So puzzle fans, please send all helpful answers in a stamp addressed envelope to Pentagon, Washington, DC 20001 – Dept. of Defense The first five lucky senders will receive a Blue Peter badge and the leadership of Afghanistan’s National Army.

Metropolitan Police: Getting away with murder

It’s taken 31 years, but the Metropolitan Police have finally published a secret internal report showing that police officers killed an anti-fascist protester in 1979. Blair Peach, a 33 year old teacher originally from New Zealand, was on a demo against the National Front in Southall, London, where he was beaten to death by police [...]

No Mr Bond, I expect you to suffer the adverse circumstances of the credit crunch.

“The names Bond, James Bond. I’ll have a martini, sha – fucks sake, how much? Er, actually Tiffany Broadchest, how does Wetherspoons sound?” – unfortunately nobody is immune from the international recession, not even Britain’s most famous international secret agent 007; the new Bond movie has been indefinitely suspended, due to MGM’s inability to pay [...]

Wee Lydia Tee Oan "We Ur Change" Chumps

Aw naw man. Here, ma wee chumpos and chumpettes, you’ll no believe this, bit ah’ll huv tae tell ye. Thur out there. Lit sum kinna fucken zombie invasion, they walk amung is. They look lit normal people, but thur no. Thu’ll shout ‘it ye. The peopo ahm on aboot, my wee muckers, thur the Troofers. [...]

Royal College of Nursing boss supports SSP heroin policy

The head of the Royal College of Nursing has backed the idea of clean pharmaceutical heroin being made available on prescription to addicts, an idea the SSP has campaigned in favour of for years. Peter Carter was speaking as the RCN discussed the results of pilot studies conducted last year in London, Darlington and Brighton. [...]

Tory candidate in homophobia shocker

A wannabe Conservative MP for North Ayrshire and Arran, Philip Lardner, was today suspended from his party for expressing extreme right-wing views for the SECOND time in less than two years. Lardner, a primary school teacher in Erskine, Renfrewshire, was thrown out of his party today by embarrassed Tory party chiefs after homophobic comments published [...]

5 great American mad bastards

There are few countries on Earth that seem to be able to provide us with hilarious crazies like the USA. They elected George ‘Monkey with a razor blade’ Bush twice as President, they respect and admire Tom ‘The Pope of Scientology’ Cruise, they continue to listen to Sarah ‘I can see Russia from my bedroom [...]

In defence of funny memos.

Over the weekend it emerged that a government adviser had circulated a memo about the Pope’s upcoming visit to the UK that they have been forced to apologise for. The document was apparently the result of a “brainstorming” session, where staff tried to come up with a scenario for an ideal visit by the Pope. [...]

More bobbies on the beat, not stuck behind a podium making political speeches

SSY today condemned the growing burden that interfering in politics is having on police officers. This follows the latest attempt of a top cop to influence government policy. Les Gray is the Chairman of the Scottish Police Federation, and used the organisation’s annual conference as an opportunity to call for a crackdown on the right [...]

Big 4 don't have a clue on workers' rights

The other night I was invited to a hustings debate by the PCS, the trade union for civil servants (e.g. passport office workers, jobcentre staff, tax collectors). It’s a union with a fairly interesting recent history, as it’s gone from being quite conservative – more like a staff association – in the 60s and 70s, [...]

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