“The names Bond, James Bond. I’ll have a martini, sha -- fucks sake, how much? Er, actually Tiffany Broadchest, how does Wetherspoons sound?” -- unfortunately nobody is immune from the international recession, not even Britain’s most famous international secret agent 007; the new Bond movie has been indefinitely suspended, due to MGM’s inability to pay it’s debts. This is despite threatening a legal case against “007 fridges -- Licence to Chill”.

Many people on the Left won’t be upset to see Bond go, due to his massive disruption and annoyance of planned economies on the other side of the Iron Curtain for decades, his questionable use of expenses in casinos, his controversial shoot to kill policy and his poor line on 50/50 gender representation.

The Bond of the 21st century is much better in many respects now however -- in the last film, he helped take on the CIA, a military dictator, and an international evil syndicate -- QUANTUM- and stopped them from overthrowing the left-wing Government of Bolivia. The CIA turn to QUANTUM because they’ve been stuck in Iraq, and let Bolivia and Venezuela fall away “like Dominoes”. Fortunately for Morales James Bond manages to blow up his secret solar powered lair and leaves him to die in the desert -- btw, did we mention the bad guy does greenwashing? Yes, we can see you warming to 007 already.

Bond Villain Max Zorin guns down a predominantly unionised workforce

Even The Bond of old wasn’t too bad -- just look at all the massive international companies he fucked up, all because they wanted to start nuclear war/annihilate silicon valley with an earthquake generated flood/drop viral gas from space etc. We also can’t confirm if Goldfinger was a tax exile who funded the Tories “Are you thinking what were thinking?” posters in 2005, but we wouldn’t be surprised if they did.

Thats why I think the Left should be leading the call to save Bond. MGM who own the Bond series have announced the new film has been indefinitely postponed due to their massive debt, which is estimated to be almost £2.2 billion. Just think, the £100 billion that has been wasted on Trident could be spent on making James Bond films with sets the size of small countries.

Just picture 10,000 young people taken off the dole, dressed as ninjas abseiling down into Hampden stadium which has been modified to look like the inside of a volcano as part of a massive public works programme. Then our ninjas would carry out a staged battle with 15,000 SPECTRE operatives, considerably slashing the number of long term unemployed in Glasgow. I think we can all agree that is a better future for our young people than living on benefits, or working in a call centre.

Scrap Trident, Build Volcano bases and Rockets.

Max Zorin, one of the many neo-liberal Thatcherites Bond has killed. Not included in this video segment is his plan to privatise schools and hospitals using an underwater base PFI scheme.

Tory party Chairman Auric Goldfinger in action.

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