5 great American mad bastards
Posted by Jack in Uncategorized, tags: knobheads, religion, USAThere are few countries on Earth that seem to be able to provide us with hilarious crazies like the USA. They elected George ‘Monkey with a razor blade’ Bush twice as President, they respect and admire Tom ‘The Pope of Scientology’ Cruise, they continue to listen to Sarah ‘I can see Russia from my bedroom window [no, you can't]‘ Palin (in fact, for her craziness she is rewarded with her own show!), and they elected the Terminator Governor of California in order to continue their crusade against “economic girly men.”
As a nation they have made a huge contribution to the world of religion, having invented both Mormonism (dumb dumb dumb dumb) and Scientology, (founder L. Ron Hubbard once said the quickest way to make a million dollars would be to invent a religion. Then he did.) Just take a look at some common American religious beliefs handily summarised in cartoon form for you here.
Today Leftfield wants to celebrate the great contribution that American crazies have made to our amusement. The following is by no means a definitive list of American nutjobs, and we may well add to it as more emerge from the woodwork to bring us hour upon hour of laughter. Hopefully as the New World Order is implemented by our socialist illuminati chums more people will be pushed over the brink of sanity, into the pit of hilarity.
So here we present to you a roll of honour of the American reality-challenged:
5. Bill O’ Reilly: Bill presents “The O’Reilly Factor”, the highest rated cable news programme in the US. His show is renowned for getting on people that don’t agree with his extreme right-wing agenda, so that he can shout abuse at them. Here’s an example of him getting a little bit hot under the collar about immigration:
However, it’s not just on the air that Bill can lose his cool, as shown by the number 1 result when you search his name on youtube:
It’s ok Bill, please try to understand that no one is judging you for never having heard the phrase “play us out”, despite it getting used on telly all the time.
4. Glenn Beck: Fellow right wing commentator Glenn goes into similar territory as Bill, but he just doesn’t know when to switch off the crazy tap. Noted as a racist and frequent advocate of violence, youtube has handily put together some of his greatest hits for you:
One of his most famous moments was featured briefly in the video above, but here we bring you the moment when Glenn wrote a bunch of words on the board next to Obama’s name, then picked random letters out to try and spell “oligarchy”. The only problem being that he forgot the letter c:
Glenn has provoked quite a lot of opposition to his craziness, which, while perhaps justifiable on a political and basic human level, does not serve the cause of comedy well. Examples include the ongoing effort to make companies refuse to advertise during his show, and the apparent prank played on his fans when dozens of their cars were towed away while they were hearing him speak.
3. Pastor Steven L. Anderson: Pastor Anderson is noted for his fiery sermons in which he condemns gay people, abortion, and prays for the death of Barack Obama. Apparently he wants the US President to “melt like a snail” because he “hates him personally.”
However, some of his strongest rhetoric has not been reserved for these common targets of the religious right, but for a much more insidious trend, which is undermining the very basis of American society: the creeping horror that is men pissing sitting down:
2. Pastor James David Manning: Fiery black preacher Pastor Manning has an interesting take on race relations under the Obama Presidency. He is “telling you that these white folks ain’t gonna take it no more” (he likes to say that a lot), and are ready to rise up in riots far worse than what black people could ever pull off. He constantly refers to Obama as the “long legged mack daddy,” and even expresses his anger in gargle form in the video below. However, you really do have to keep watching for the full 10 minutes, as it’s only towards the end that he unveils his true calling in life, as an amazing singer songwriter, with beautiful, heart wrenching lyrics such as “Obama and Larry Sinclair/had a steamy affair”:
But coming straight in at NUMBER 1 we have long time Leftfield favourite Alex Jones!
Alex Jones is perhaps the USA’s greatest living conspiracy theorist. On his radio and TV show he regularly informs his fans of how they face an imminent takeover by a New World Order hell bent on a programme of eugenics, mass death, and enslavement. If you ever get the chance, look out for the Jon Ronson documentary ‘The Secret Rulers of the World’, which followed Alex on one of his infiltration missions into the global elite, with hilarious consequences.
But youtube is far from short of wonderful Alex gems. Here we select for you just a fraction of the comedy gold that is out there, and we can’t recommend to you enough that you begin exploring the amazing world of Alex Jones for yourself:
Alex’s silly impressions start to annoy his own guests
Alex is slightly miffed with Barack Obama
Alex decides the best protest he can make is to dress as the joker and wreck his own studio
Alex Jones: Best rant ever
(Co-Authored by Sarah.)
I’ve been a member of the LDS (Mormon) church for 16 years.